Oh Mere Chacha THE great !!

 As promised, my blogpost on Chacha!

We meet countless people in our lifetime. Few characters stand out and stay etched in our memories. One such person in my life is Chacha.

I first met Chacha on my first day of class during my MBA. We all had to get a SIMS CUT from the nearby saloon. Every fresher on campus looked like a soldier. Eventually, our hair grew back to normal length and yet Chacha resembled a soldier. He was a true Jawan. A very quiet and unassuming bumpkin from Kanpur, he led a peaceful life on campus. Well.. at least the others thought so. It is only the inner circle (I called our mob of 8 as bakchods ) who knew his true colours and cruel intentions. Although I knew Chacha from our first semester days, our true bonding started at the beginning of third semester.

My first and the most memorable action sequence with the Stallion ( Another name for Chacha but that story for another blog) was during a drunken Saturday night. It was the peak of summers and Pune was reeling under acute water shortage. No water to wash one's arse after the big job !! Everyone was like ,"To heck with the water problem.. Let's have some Rum." It was a long night that stretched into the dawn. One of us (He's another funny character with a wonderful gift to paint) started talking about his prowess in bed. He described in detail about how he made love ! Chacha took a deep puff from the cigarette and spoke in a matter-of-fact tone, " Arey !! Tumhaara jitne baar khada nahi hua..utni baar hum laundiyoon ke saath masti kar chuke hain." What ensued was a massive laughter riot with yours truly leading the pack. Our Director summoned the warden to bring order in the house. After hearing such a statement, our painter had no comeback.

His one-liners would humble any poet or satirist. Using explicit and pure Hindi one-liners, he came up with such outlandish and relevant proverb. There was no comeback.. ZILCH !!

He is a man of routine. Washed his cloths everyday and kept the room clean. He would religiously go out everyday to our tapri for Chai, Dhokla and Chota Goldflake. He had a place for everything and everything was in the designated place and I'm sure to this day he keeps it the same way.

Some people have rotten luck. Chacha and Indian Railways were always at loggerheads. After numerous failed attempts to successfully board a train, he reached the station by 5 PM  to catch a train at 7:30. Well... the train had already left that morning !!The scheduled departure was at 7:30 AM. He came back dejected, had a couple for beers and hit the sack. He had missed the train to be at home for Diwali.

When it came to surprises, Chacha was the man ! He would delight us with a cigarette when everybody in the hostel was out of smokes or herbs! He won a bet against another bakchod after he produced 32 Classic Milds. The bakchod had to strip down since he and the rest of us never imagined he could produce 32 Classic Milds at 2 AM and hence blindly placed the bet. Chacha hid cigarettes in such bizarre places in the room. His room mates had no clue and could never find cigarettes even though they had access to all his stuff.

When he sits on the laptop to play CounterStrike, it's insanely funny. His dream is to do IISSSNNAAIIPPERR Headshot. He'll be at the controls and the room would be intense. He would crack another of his one-liners and the whole CS team has to halt since his one-liner would leave you in splits. 

Besides all the comedy, he is a wonderful human being. Ever helpful and big hearted lad. You can read about his human side on my other blogpost (Eerie Moments Part 1)

Cheers to our one and only Chacha.

Types of travellers aboard Indian Railways

Indian Railways, one of the largest employers in the world provides service to one and all. Each one of you reading this blog would have used the services of Indian Railways at some point in your life. Travelling in the AC III tier coaches while traversing the length and breadth of the country is a wonderful experience. One meets wonderful individuals and families. As the son of an officer from the Indian Air Force, we got posted to obscure place on the Indian map. Summer vacation to Chennai and Coimbatore from Jorhat involved changing two trains and 3 days of travel. I observed many people during these long journeys and continue it to this day with regular travelling in my current job. I have classified certain section of passengers. I'm sure you would have met the following people at least once during your train rides.


Joint Family

At least 6 people and will certainly include the following - Bald headed father, mother with a humongous back, son, his wife and a cranky toddler with runny nose who keeps running along the length of the coach and his sister. They would have packed all their three meals. The kid starts crying post 10 pm everyday and the whole family earns the wrath of the co-passengers. The sister would be a pretty lady and eye candy for the men in the coach.


A Lone Wannabe Guy with a Laptop and Small suitcase

Would be wearing oversized Woodlands shoes, Reebok T-shirt and addidas trackpants ( Yes, they are fake and hence addidas ). Changes his berth as soon as he boards the train since the fat old aunty can't climb the upper berth. He would again have to change his berth because some family wants him to adjust. Invariably gets transffered to another coach and settles into a side upper berth. Mans the electricity socket as though his life depended on it. Watches movies on laptop while he munches his kurkure and would sleep when the laptop is switched off.


Ticketless Dude

He gets into the train and parks himself on a seat. Places his bag on the upper berth. Mind you, he doesn't have a ticket - Not even RAC or a wait listed ticket. Arms himself with a INR 100 note and is on the prowl looking out for the TTE. At night, he opens his bag and goes out near the bathroom to have a swig of Old Monk. Lo behold !! RPF busts his ass. He has to shell out 300 bucks now and the cops take away his bottle. Gets a berth at the fag end of the train journey.


Lone Woman

A bespectacled spinster in her early 20's. Acts like a stuck-up snobbish virago. Adjusts her kurta and dupatta every 30 seconds. She believes that every guy in the coach is a hardcore lecher whose prime objective is to get into her panties. She takes her handbag every time she goes to the loo. To avoid eye contact and conversation, she keeps looking out of the window, even if it is 9 PM.


Old Fat Uncle

A big pot-bellied man in his late 50's or early 60's. He is HUGE. His palms would be the size of a quarter plate. Snores like a foghorn. He would eat anything and everything that every vendor has to offer. After this, he lets out a huge burp and the whole coach would know the menu.