Tuesday, September 20, 2011

To Sir's With Love

05th Sep - Teacher's day. After college, it's just this one day when we look back at our school days, feel nostalgic and thank our teachers with HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY wall post and tagging friends (For the record, I made this post on my Facebook page this year...just like that). You could have been an ace in academics, a champ in sports, excelled in both or the been good at music and arts. There would have been one teacher or coach who would have pushed you to the limit, made your life a miserable living hell or simply mesmerized you with their actions . One aspect common to all of them - They would have inspired you to believe in yourself, sand papered away your follies and channeled your rebellious energy to help you reach wherever you stand on this day.

I've changed nine schools in 12 years of schooling and had countless teachers. Yet, my FAB 4 made an indelible impression on my life. Interestingly, all of them are men - each in a different field and a unique personality. I would go in a chronological order and talk about each of the FAB 4.

Mr. John Datta

My English teacher during the three of the four years I studied in The Air Force School, Subroto Park. Erudite, witty and totally chilled out man. I was the shortest kid in the class those days and hence sat in the first row of the class. While I was into Tintin, Asterix, Hardy Boys and comics, it was he who ignited my interest in classics. Until then, I found poems banal and dry. "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" an epic in English Lit was mind boggling during 9th standard. We had the first part of the poem in our curriculum. He finished the poem in toto (He got a book with the complete poem and read it to us ). The interest in poetry can be instilled only in that age provided it is read out to you. My word !! I felt as though Mr. Coleridge himself was present in the class during that hot July afternoon in 1998. I performed miserably during my 10th Std. Yet, I owe it to him. As the Class Teacher, he constantly scanned our report cards and wrote fitting comments. PTA meets were a nightmare for me. Yet, when my parents went to meet, he always told that I was a good lad and very good bowler. He often told me that I should take studies seriously just like my cricket. After my 10th, I moved on to Hyderabad and lost touch with him. If you know his phone number or email address, please let me know. 


Mr. VSK Chakrapani

On Vijayadashami of 1998, I started learning Violin under the tutelage of Mr. Chakrapani. On that fateful day, over 100 kids along with their parents thronged the Delhi Tamizh Sangam in R.K Purum. On the second floor, kids were hammering away on the Mridangam and our class was in the 1st floor. He motioned us to sit on the dari and wait for my turn. He sat in the centre while the rest of us sat around like the spokes of a wheel around the hub. This is how we sat during all the classes. For the auspicious start, he told us kids how to grip the violin and bow. Demonstrating the left hand technique, he told us the importance of left hand technique. The moment I held my violin, his eyes light up. Might seem filmy like a scene from Mahabharat but it was like I had found the Guru. And thus started my violin classes.

Mr. Chakrapani stands over 6 feet with broad shoulders. A dab of vibhuti on the forehead, Bata leather Chappals and crisp white shirt ( his shirts seemed frozen.. like that crisp) and trousers. A man demonstrating simple living and high thinking, he travelled only by Bus and took the Killer BlueLine from Gole Market to R.K Purum.

My classes progressed and I overtook my fellow students and reached Varnam while they were still playing Alankaaram. The sudden success got into my head and I became over-confident and complacent. He sensed this at once ( I don't know how... Did my dad tell him ? ). Before each class, we had to copy the notation in our notebook. I was all thrilled to start my first Varnam (Mohanam). At the beginning of each class, he would teach us a new lesson. However, we also had to play the previous lesson. I started and stumbled along. Looking back now, with the complacency creeping in, my grip of the bow changed and it affected my playing. What ensued was a verbal blasting - 

"You think you are as good as Lalgudi Jayaraman?
"If this is your attitude, you will fail in life!!

He asked me to leave and not to come for violin classes ever again. Fighting back tears, I managed to get into the car. My father didn't say a word and drove back. I reached home and cried my heart out to mum. She consoled me and asked me to call him in the evening. 

Later in the evening, I called his residence. He picked up the call. I told him I was sorry and requested him to allow me to rejoin the classes. He started laughing. After about 30 seconds (somehow, it seemed forever), he asked me to come for class the following Saturday. Much later, he told my father that he wanted to teach me lesson and meant no ill will. Boy !! He sure did teach me lesson. From that day on, I've never taken life for granted. Along with my family, he is perhaps the only person who taught me the true meaning of humility.

As an A-Grade artist in All India Radio, he has traveled across the globe for countless shows, stayed in five star accommodation. Yet, he used public transport, lived in government quarters in Gole Daakkhana near Connaught Place. In my eyes, he is the epitome of humility and truly preached the mantra of simple living-high thinking. 


Mr. Balasubramanian

After entering 9th std, I developed a mortal fear for Mathematics. I simply loathed the subject. Everyday, the maths class seemed never ending. I stopped studying Maths and by God's grace cleared the CBSE examination in 10th. My eyes were set on taking commerce. I loved my physics and didn't seem sense to take science stream since I sucked in Mathematics and Chemistry. Somehow, it got into my head that taking Maths as an elective would be better compared to Geography and Hindi (the other electives offered). After a couple of classes, I made friends with couple of guys in the Science class and they told me join classes at Balu Sir's house in the evening. Thus, began my tryst with Balu Sir's class.

I bonded well with Aakash and Avinash from the science stream and the three of us were inseparable. The teachers called us the Trinity. We were the ultimate recipe for pranks and trouble. These two aces always got busted and somehow I never earned the wrath of the teachers in School.

Balu sir saw right through me in the first class. He told me, "You are good kid but capable of trouble."  Pointing in the direction of Aakash and Avinash, he said, "Stay away from those two guys." A short and broad man, he had converted one bedroom of his 2 bedroom house into a classroom with wooden benches and white board. His classes started at 3 in the afternoon and ended at 8 in the night. In all he took classes for five batches from 9th to 12 std six days a week throughout the year.Charging a very nominal fee, we came to know much later about his tactic of charging his students. "Free mein padhaunga to bacche serious nahi honge."

Our first chapter was "Relations and Functions". He had asked us to memorize the definition of a function. Next day was sunday. So I chilled, played cricket from dawn to dusk and forgot about it. Monday evening, we enter the tuition room. He looks at me, "Function ka definition bolenge Siddarth". I had totally forgotten about this and didn't even open my books during the weekend. Honestly, I admitted, "Sir ! I don't know." He smiled and walks out to his garden and comes back with a nice leafy twig from the hedge. Stripping the leaves out, he tells me the definition of a function and asks me to show my left palm, TWAATT !! I had a lot of trouble with my morning ablutions for the next couple of days.

I was livid and told my dad that he caned me and I couldn't take this corporal punishment. Dad's head peeped out of the newspaper," You didn't study and hence you deserved it !! Now go hit your books." And he went back to the Hindu's editorial. The caning sessions got heavier by the day. As we entered 12th Std, the seriousness of exams and marks hit us all. And the caning stopped !

My batch being the only all-boy batch, we were loud and full of mischief. When I started my classes, his younger daughter was 4 months old and by the time, we finished our boards, she could abuse in Hindi ( Yes.. mother and the sisters ones ). Then one last time, he caned us when he realized it was us who did the dirty deed of polluting a baby's brain.

He gave me special attention as I was the only Commerce-Maths student and ensured I score maximum in that section. Despite knowing my weakness, Balu sir never mocked my silly mistakes. He coaxed me to think and look for alternative methods to solve a problem. He gave me faith that I could score high marks when I could only think of scrapping through. I didn't disappoint him and passed 12std and got a commendable 74 on 100 in Maths.


Balu's sir unflinching devotion in taking classes for close to 6 hours for countless years is truly commendable. Today, many of his students are fighter pilots in the IAF, doctors, software geeks and spread far and wide across the globe. He taught me the virtue of hard work, dedication and perseverance.


Mr. Vimal Kurien 

My professor for accountancy in Madras Christian College, he was a resident professor in Bishop Heber Hall. He looked younger than most of us despite sporting a beard. After completing his M.Com, he joined MCC as a faculty member. From the very beginning, he stressed on the importance of fundamentals. One particular instance, I clearly remember was when he was teaching us about Balance sheets and I asked a question. He thought about it for a good minute and said,"Sid !! I'll confirm and tell you by tomorrow."

Next day, he entered class and cleared the doubt that was pending. Honestly, I had forgotten about it. However, he had gone back and poured over books and cleared my doubt. I was pleasantly shocked. Here was a professor who accepted that he had a doubt, kept it pending, confirmed with the text book and finally told me the answer. It is very rare when you see your teacher accepting his limitation and ensuring he learns along with me. It just blew me.

Outside class, he was one chilled out person. He told me I was a Kaatan while I reminded him of Barbarian roots. He would often take me out to Sundaram's for chai and tell me to study well and get good grades. You see, it was very easy to digress in the greenery of Madras Christian College. A brilliant Piano player, he was part of MCC's award winning  Progressive Rock band. Vimal Sir introduced me to some of the best music - Dream Theater, Al Stewart, Cat Stevens and many more artists.

Today, he is a professor in BMS College, Kottayam and settled with his wife and daughter. He is the only teacher with whom I'm still in touch. With his level of intellect, he could have been a successful person in the management of an MNC, a Chartered Accountant or even a professional musician. Yet, he did what gave me joy - Teaching !!

To all the people I've mentioned above, thank you for shaping me and helping me become a better person. Today, whatever I am, I owe it to you.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Abuse / Gaali / Ketta Vaarthai / Therri - Power of abusive language

  • Walking on the roads after heavy overnight showers, an unassuming office-going champ on this Hero Honda Splendor ( Still called splendor after the company became Hero MotoCorp? In your face you short Nipps...Mother Nature just had an orgy with your islands) hits a pot hole. Brown stains on your face and cloths. 
  • Buying a ticket and boarding an EMU from Guindy. After alighting at Santorium, you plan to run to the two-wheeler stand and reach home just in time to catch every ball of Chennai Super Kings slaying Victoria Bushrangers. However, the train zips past Tambaram Sanatorium and it's only then you realize that you got into a Super Fast.
  • The Grand Finale of India's Got Talent. The only time at home when the family doesn't fight over remote control... and Wham !! Power cut.
  • Drinking with friends in your hostel room and one of your buds zonks out on your bed... 25 mins later... gurgling sounds and the complete menu of the evening on your bed. 
  • A slow moving car in front of you that doesn't speed up or give you way. You can have Air horn or a fog horn installed in your car. As you overtake and look in the rear-view mirror, all you see some knuckles on the steering wheel. 

Different dialects of Punjabi - Pathankot to Bhathinda, Malayalam - Kasargod to Trivandrum, Tamizh - Chennai cheri to KK or good old English, we indulge in liberal use of female anatomy, acts of incest, Oedipus complex and baby making process when we are involved in one or more of the above scenes.

At times, I wonder why humans use abusive language. Soon, I realized it is all about impact. When it's about wanting to make a hard hitting point, abusive language reigns at the highest echelons of human communication. Unless you are a Martin Luther King, Winston Churchill or Adolf Hitler, no one would listen to you until you throw in a couple of F's and B's. 

Let us look at a few situations where abusive language will certainly prevail over white collar language and help making a difference to humanity and society  :

Making a Sales pitch :

As a sales guy, there are occasions when I'm tongue-tied. "Mr Krishnan, what we offer you is fucking awesome. You will not be disappointed." If I could add these lines to my sales pitch, I can close more sales deals, achieve over 100% of my target YoY, get a raise and a promotion. Everyone is happy.

Helping your near and dear ones deal with a break-up 

The guy has been dumped by the woman. All along you knew she was a bitch. Yet, you kept quiet ( Friend oda aalu macha ). Now you've got the full monty to go ahead and break the truth your friend. Choose your words carefully. "Dude !! I told you. She is a bitch of the first order. Sonnathu kettaiya ?! Antha tevadiya mundam ellam orupadaave orupadaathu. Let's buy some beer and watch Curvy Girls. Beshtu macha aathu.. watha !! chancey illai."

Boosting the morale of your sales team 

Inflation is ever increasing. Government keeps increasing Repo and Reverse Repo rates. Clients are not giving you repeat orders. Competition on the rise from new players. Government keeps tweaking the policies. Vice President,  Marketing and Sales calls you into his cabin and asks you for the numbers !! You swallow hard and call your sales team into the conference room. "Bhenchod !! Kya kar rahe ho tum log ? Sales kar rahe ho ya maa chuddha rahe ho ?!  Prakash !! Tum to baatein bahut choddhte ho ! Sales karo nahi to tumhaari gotiyaan VP le lega ?! Commmon boyz !! Let's rock and role. If the team achieves 100% sales, we'll go to Thailand and indulge in some sick stuff ! I know you boys well. You are the best out there in the industry. Let's show the VP that we've got balls of steel. "

Tell the HR that she ain't doing community service

"Madam !! You are not going me a favour. This is your KRA. You oughta do this ! Go hit the markets and you'll realize what we go through everyday. Stop sitting on your dandy ass and process my outstanding dues. We earn revenue for the company. You are simply a fucking ancillary service. Stop fucking around with my head. Don't tell me to refrain from using non-parliamentary language on the office floor. I can bloody well roll my sleeves considering this outfit of yours looks like a nighty my grannie sports at home."



Use the power of abusive language. It is hard-hitting and does make an impact. Don't abuse it.. yeah ?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

B-School Reunions

It is that time of the year when me and my friends from Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies decide to head to Pune for the National Alumni Meet. The bakchod gang (Please read my earlier post "Oh Mere Chacha the great" to know a little about the bakchods) had a made a pact that we would try and meet every year for the National Alumni meet over 2-3 days. The idea is to relive those days of fun, frolic and unadulterated shizzle. This year will be the second meet after graduation. Barring one of the us, who is posted in Algeria, every single soul from the bakchod would be present.

The idea of a reunion is to meet up with your batchmates, juniors and seniors and catch up on the lost times. Yes... This includes half hugs, fake hellos, lots of  HEY's and numerous dead-fish handshakes, meeting a lot of people you wouldn't want to meet in first place including the two-timing bitch-of-the-first-order ex girlfriend of yours. A big percentage of the alumni would give the meet a skip ( I wonder why ?)

Typical conversation among men during the meet :
  • Oh !! That Bitch got married ?! RIP the poor soul who is stuck with her. 
  • She ?! McKinsey ?! You got to be kidding me ! I'd give my left ball for that profile. How the fuck did a birdbrain like her end up with that profile ?! Word
  • HAHA !! That loser is still stuck with Infosys ?! DAMN !
  • WHOA !! She was so HAWT macha !! Whatever happened to her ?! 
  • That son-of-a-bitch is getting all the action !! Dekho kaise haans raha hai saala !!
  • After the meet, let's get drunk dude !! Haddh hai bhenchod !!
Typical conversation among women during the meet :
  • OMG !! That bitch hasn't changed one bit !! Botox you reckon ?
  • Dekha ?! Copycat !! She still sports the same colour combination that I used to... including the brown stilettos. Sari bhi same colour !! BITCH
  • Kya karoon yaar ?! Even power yoga is not helping ! Liposuction in India is safe ? 
  • He was so cute !! Uske baal kahaan udd gaye ?! Just two years ? Blame the Bengaluru water ! BTW...I once made out with him near Placement Cell. 
Me ?!  I prefer meeting all the people who were a part of my life during the two best years of my life. Greeting the canteen stuff for the numerous plates of Cheese Maggi and Anda Bhurji they served, Library staff like Raju Bhaiya for their benevolence when I laughed loudly during a funny conversation inside library, who let me issue more than four books and keep them beyond the return deadline, Gajwaar sir and Ajay Sir from Admin office for helping me out with attendance esp. in fourth semester ( I had 4% against a mandatory 75% !! ) and most importantly - The Director of the Institute. Leaving me with a warning and no further action for my loud laughter from the hostel room during our social acts, taking loads of my BS and yet giving it a patient listen - I liked him. He had been unreasonable on many occasions. I choose to ignore that over the countless times he helped me personally. 

Coming back to my group, our customary huddle will start with beer guzzling and a sojourn with Sheelavati, chai, sutta and vada paav at the tapri behind SIMS, a head massage session at Ideal Hairdressers ( They are the best in the business. Do check them out if you go to Pune ) followed by hopping around Koregaon Park. A couple of us would pass out and wake up with a massive hangover the next day.

We would laugh at the most stupid acts, remember the grey cell stimulating all-nighters in hostels around the topic of politics, sports and women, drunken brawls at pubs and many more incidents which I wouldn't want to quote.

After the meet, we get back to our lives - Work, office, diatribe with girlfriend, boring office dinners without  alcohol with equally boring people from work. Being a fully residential campus - we were the only family for one another -  knowing the deep dark secrets, going to fight for your friends without knowing the actual reason or opponent, rushing them to hospital when they met with an accident or fell sick.

Soon, we would get married and settle down into our lives with work, wife, kids and a fight with the ever increasing waistline. Perhaps, this alumni meet would go on to become the only platform for all of us to meet each other together and live those golden days - even if it is for once a year.